Sara by Stevie Nicks

Oh Sara, you're the poet in my heart
Never change, and don't you ever stop...

All I ever wanted
Was to know that you were dreaming
There is a heartbeat, no it never really died
You never really died (oh, Sara)...

All I ever wanted
Was to know that you were dreaming.

Thanksgiving 2018

The thanksgiving I observe reflects this sentiment:

'President Lincoln declared a thanksgiving day in 1863 on the last Thursday of November, which continued annually from then till now. This was done in the midst of the Civil War and was designed for thanksgiving for blessings, penitence for the nation’s sins, and prayers for the wounded soldiers and the widows and orphans of the fallen. Lincoln prayed that God would “heal the wounds of the nation and restore it.” '

I aspire to empathy and I am sensitive to those who would find offensive the construction paper pilgrim hats and war feathers of my youth. If that was all we knew and celebrated of Thanksgiving, it would indeed be a travesty.

Being grateful for one's life blessings is a universal value and celebrated in virtually all cultures and faith traditions. I refuse to feel guilty for being grateful.

In the spirit of Lincoln's proclamation, I have for the last 15-20 years or so - in my dotage - aspired to meditate and use this time for introspection and self-awareness.

Today, I spent with my Mom. We worked a jigsaw; we giggled; we planned; we evaluated our respective charitable contributions for the year; and we sympathized with others who we thought of during our time together.

I thank my God on every remembrance of each one of you who I call FB friend. (paraphrased from Philippians 1:3)

Here is the source for the quote I shared: (https://publicholidays.us/thanksgiving-day/).

Father's Day 2018

Everything I need to know to succeed in life, I learned from a man I called Daddy (and who hundreds of "shop" students called Mr. Ashby). That doesn't mean I learned them at the time he taught them. Many things have only become real to me later in life.

The most important thing I learned is to "use the right tool for the job". I only realized in my 40's that this applied to mental tools and maxims, too. That was when I had my "Aha" moment that all those Daddy-isms that seemed to contradict each other were never intended to be applied across the board. That moment was when I learned another lesson best expressed in this quote from Picasso: "Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist."

Here are some of those seemingly contradicting Daddy-isms that I learned that make so much sense to me now. Now that I understand - it's not enough to have a tool box full of tools. One graduates from journeyman to master when one knows which tool to use.

From the best teacher I ever knew...

• Great minds think alike.

• A wise man changes his mind; a fool never does.

• If you want it done right, do it yourself.

• Anything less than your best is failure.

• Good enough for government work.

• Good enough for the girl I go with.

• Measure twice, cut once.

• Study long, study wrong.

• I was looking for a job when I found this one.

• If it is to be, it is up to me. (10 2-letter words to change the world.)

• You can get a lot more done if you don't stress about who gets the credit.

• My right to swing my fist ends at your nose.

• I may not like what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it.

• Well…a deep thought for a shallow mind.

• Your ignorance is showing.

• Never try to kiss a girl leaning away from you. Never try to climb a ladder leaning toward you. Don't spit in the wind. Always watch channel 5 News and Weather.

• Good fences make good neighbors.

Stream of consciousness

I'm sitting in a bar. 15 minutes to tennis courts. 65 minutes to get there. Some techno music on the sound system. Sports news on the abundant TVs.+

I'm sitting in my USA Quidditch t-shirt for reasons outside this particular consciousness steam. Talked to my sister about how to solve a particular little relationship puzzle involving her son, the registration papers on a car given him by his distant father and the need to preserve a fragile detente in support of having everyone who said son loves at his upcoming graduation and to have them civil and likable to one another. I think we nailed it.

Wondering why there's a Cowboys bandana hanging above the bar when it's April and 2 other Dallas teams are currently in the playoffs. (Hockey and Basketball)

Also wondering why the interim between work and tennis compels me to want to write and yet leaves me feeling rushed and unable to organize my thoughts.

Waiting for tennis, thinking about connecting the dots

I was reading back over my post yesterday. It was hurried and it fails to make the point I was trying to make. But it made a couple of other good points, so I'm not going to mess with it.

Going back to the subject of context, I'll repeat that I don't expect to find a profound meaning by connecting the dots between the random things that happen to me. (I'm not ruling that out either, though!) Instead, my point is that by seeing patterns and themes in the random things that happen to us, we can learn things. We can learn things about ourselves. We can learn things about our world. We can learn things about each other.

That's what I meant when I said, "finding meaning where there is none."

And in the words of Forest Gump, "that's all I have to say about that."

Finding context where none exists

I was driving to tennis tonight and had a hankering for donuts. I recalled a Krispy Kreme just a few blocks out of my way. So I detoured, ordered 2 traditional glazed and wondered.

I wondered because, like you probably do, I travel through life on most days in a very disconnected, disjointed pattern that makes sense only to myself.

But most days themes pop up. And I've decided to start trying to find those themes every day.

It's not so much that I'm looking for meaning. Honestly. I don't believe the world is trying to speak to me or any such nonsense. (Although I do believe in God and that He is speaking to me) Instead, the plan is to insert meaning where there is none.

For example, donuts made me think about context. (BTW context means "the parts of something written or spoken that immediately precede and follow a word or passage and clarify its meaning"). So, maybe the next time I crave a donut, I can stop to think of the context. What happened before? What happened after?

Another thought about context. I saw a meme today about the # 24. (Kobe Bryant, Jeff Gordon, some other sports figures I didn't know). This put my dear ShyAnn in context. She was a young light taken from this world too soon. She wore #24 in her too brief basketball career. It's not as though those other figures' fame gives context to her life. It's that her life gives me a rich context to appreciate those other people.

Context. Themes. The texture and flavor that we can enjoy living in a fast-paced, multi-media world when we take the time to connect the dots!

Tiny Home Living (small home living) - Part 2

In this post, I'll talk about the floor plan.

We bought a shell from Graceland. (See their website here: http://www.gracelandportablebuildings.com/)

We liked Graceland because of the quality of the traditional 2x4 construction. The shell we bought was already on their lot. It had been ordered and the purchaser's deal fell through. So, we got a good price. However, this meant we had to accept the external walls as is. That meant that I had to work with the position of the 3 front windows, the one on the end wall to the left of the front door and the front door itself. We added the window in the bedroom and the back door ourselves. The back window shown in the floor plan never materialized. That is our West wall and - in Texas - not a wall to be messed with.

The internal walls were our design (and our handiwork).

There are some furniture pieces missing from the drawing. My cute farm-style breakfast table is located just to the left of the front door. My adjustable stand-up computer desk is located straight back from the front door in the corner created by the bathroom wall. My granny's antique buffet is in the corner to the right of the back door (instead of the aforementioned window that never materialized). My mother's antique steamer trunk is beside the entertainment center in the living room. My husband's grandfather's cedar chest is behind the couch instead of the buffet (as shown).

The bathroom is spacious and one of the things I'd do differently is try to save space by making it smaller - somehow.

The vision for the bedroom is a bunch of built-ins and his-and-hers closets opposite one another as shown. To date, the cabinets and one closet (hers) are finished - with drawers and the second closet still to come. Currently, we just use the cabinets like shelves without drawers.

The kitchen isn't finished as shown. It is currently missing the cabinets on the interior wall. We also didn't do the corner on the interior wall. We simply stopped the counter at that wall. So, we have more of an L-shaped kitchen rather than a U-shape. But it is HUGE, so there is still plenty of room and time to add the cabinets to make it a U-shape.

Tiny home living (small home living), Part 1

The homestead in February.

I've been asked four times this week (twice on Facebook, twice in real life) to share about the "tiny home" my husband and I built. I'm up to the task, excited about sharing even. I love our little slice of paradise. But, I feel the need to preface everything I'm about to say with several very serious disclaimers:

• Ours is just a small home, it's not really a "tiny home". Ours is 600 square feet. And, we have a large-ish travel trailer that we're able to hook up at the drop of a hat for visitors. We also have a nice garage/shop.
• Building a tiny home yourself is not easy. My husband worked on the project full-time for more than 3 months - from site preparation through to certificate of occupancy. And, he's an extremely resourceful guy with many, many years of hands-on work experience.
• Building ANY home yourself is not easy. The home is never "finished". You'll always have a project to complete. You'll always have a part of the house that you want to forget. You'll always have a "failure" of some sort staring you in the face every day. (Most of the failures staring me in the face are my own contributions to the project. For example, I had the bright idea of using paneling instead of painting walls - big mistake. I had the bright idea of using drawers instead of base cabinets in the kitchen - drawers are REALLY hard to get right.)
• Building a tiny home IS really cheap. But you should only try it if you meet the following criteria:
• You have some land
• The municipality/county in which your land is located allows tiny homes. Otherwise, you'll waste a lot of time filing paperwork and getting variances without any guarantee you'll be successful.
• You have a lot of cash
• OR, you have good credit and VERY low credit card balances.
• You have a lot of patience (and emotional resilience) dealing with setbacks and weather delays.
• You have a huge desire for spending your evenings reading a bunch of instructions, construction code and how-to information. Because, let me tell ya', all that previous, hands-on work experience only gets you so far. The second you begin working on an unfamiliar installation such as electrical feeds or on-demand water heaters, all your hands-on work experience goes out the window and it's time to hit the books.
• You have a huge desire to do NOTHING EXCEPT work on your house during your spare time for about a year or more.

Now that I have the disclaimers out of the way, continue to the next post.

Critical Thinking: a goal

I'm getting a jump on a New Year tradition. I read this information today and I plan to use it as a guide:

 "Critical thinking is self-guided, self-disciplined thinking which attempts to reason at the highest level of quality in a fair-minded way. People who think critically consistently attempt to live rationally, reasonably, empathically. They are keenly aware of the inherently flawed nature of human thinking when left unchecked. They strive to diminish the power of their egocentric and sociocentric tendencies. They use the intellectual tools that critical thinking offers – concepts and principles that enable them to analyze, assess, and improve thinking. They work diligently to develop the intellectual virtues of intellectual integrity, intellectual humility, intellectual civility, intellectual empathy, intellectual sense of justice and confidence in reason. They realize that no matter how skilled they are as thinkers, they can always improve their reasoning abilities and they will at times fall prey to mistakes in reasoning, human irrationality, prejudices, biases, distortions, uncritically accepted social rules and taboos, self-interest, and vested interest. They strive to improve the world in whatever ways they can and contribute to a more rational, civilized society. At the same time, they recognize the complexities often inherent in doing so. They avoid thinking simplistically about complicated issues and strive to appropriately consider the rights and needs of relevant others. They recognize the complexities in developing as thinkers, and commit themselves to life-long practice toward self-improvement. They embody the Socratic principle: The unexamined life is not worth living , because they realize that many unexamined lives together result in an uncritical, unjust, dangerous world." ~ Linda Elder, September, 2007

 I found this paragraph on a page here: http://www.criticalthinking.org/pages/defining-critical-thinking/766

On dressing up

I just saw a bunch of stats on CBS Sunday Morning about Thanksgiving. One of them said "7% of us will dress up". I have a feeling this used to be a larger number.

My first reaction to this was relief. (I hate to dress up). My second reaction was a bit of sadness because I recall some Rockwellian photos of families sitting around a table in their 'Sunday best' while Father began carving the turkey. I began to wonder why - as is my wont.

I wonder if our propensity in times past toward dressing up for special occasions was a reaction to our former agrarian and industrial laborer circumstances? If we got dirty and worked hard during the week, then when we had holidays we wanted them to be a stark contrast to those circumstances.

Now, such a large proportion of us earn our living at desks. And, even those of us who work in physical jobs would probably say they prefer the modern ways of their job over the same way that job would have been done 20, 50 or 100 years ago. And, most of us who work physically have a prescribed mode of dress or a uniform for our job just as surely as the desk worker has a dress code of some sort.

Therefore, we enjoy dressing however the heck we want to dress on holidays - again in stark contrast to our workaday lives.

Just wondering...as is my wont.

A link to the Wiki page where I found the free-use image

Thinking outside the box sounds downright sedentary

I just saw a post on Facebook where someone said they were most proud of their ability to "think outside the box." I'm paraphrasing, but that is the gist of the post. Well, that got me thinking about something that has been percolating for years. I hate that adage!

In my mind, thinking either inside or outside a box sounds entirely too static in today's world. Most organizations and people are not sitting in a box. They are barreling down the interstate (or autobahn) of life and commerce at dizzying speeds. Therefore, stopping to think either inside or outside a box is simply not going to happen, much less do any good.

I therefore want to propose a new adage:

Take a detour or scenic byway
 every now and again.

to symbolize this nugget of wisdom. True innovation doesn't often happen in a "business as usual" atmosphere. Perhaps a better way to put it would be to

Think off-road.

Law of Averages? Average of Laws?

True to form*, I haven't blogged in almost 2 months. It occurred to me today because I'm in the 3rd day of my first Lenten fast*. This would come as a surprise to anyone who knows me, but since nobody ever reads here, eh, I'm not worried.

See, I'm not Catholic. But, last year, a Catholic friend was fasting for Lent and explained her fast to me. It wasn't a draconian fast, but it was challenging. I don't recall the details. She explained to me why it was meaningful to her. And, lo and behold*, it made sense! You can read more about some of the things she has shared with me at some of these sites:

• A protestant explains why observe Lent
• All about Lent, Q&A style

My Lenten fast is relatively simple. It is also not draconian, but it challenges my habits in some extreme ways. First, it requires me to be mindful in the present. Second, unlike secular fasts, it replaces the negative habit you're giving up with a positive one. In the case of a traditional Catholic Lent, one is to turn to God in sorrow for one's sin when one is foregoing the subject of the fast. For the Catholic (and indeed for Christians in general), it is a healthy thing to recognize sin for what it is and confess and accept God's forgiveness based on His Son's gift of salvation. It's all about the grace (sung to the tune of "It's all about that bass.")

So, why write about this here - when I usually stay away from personal things like politics and religion? First, it occurred to me that the discipline of giving up a habit by replacing it with a good habit is pretty universally good advice. Second, it gave me something to write about. And, that brings me to the conclusion and the title for this post:

I'm a math addict. I love numbers. When I logged on to blogger.com today, I noticed that I last posted almost 2 months ago. That made me wonder what my average lapse between posts is. And, so, of course I had to find out. It turns out I've been posting in this blog for about 5 years and I have 31 posts. That means, on average, I post about 6 times per year (or, every couple of months). So, by the law of averages*, it was time!

More about the "True to form" bit:
See the last paragraph above about the math and numbers. That explains my "form" pretty well. I'm not a prolific blogger. But I like to think that most of my stuff is better than average (hehe, get it? better than average?) - Back to the top -


More about my "Lenten fast":
My Lenten fast is very straightforward. I'm eating a vegan (and largely raw) diet on Mon/Wed/Fri and "sensible" meals and snacks the rest of the time. In addition, I've decided to do this mostly in private - like Jesus advised in a sermon - to do one's "good deeds" in private and without fanfare. And, finally, I've chosen to observe the sundown-to-sundown definition of day (so, Monday's vegan fast starts at sundown on Sunday and ends at sundown on Monday). My reasoning for this last rule is admittedly selfish. I attend a "trivia night" on Wednesdays where there is much less healthy fare. I enjoy it and quite honestly didn't want to give it up. I might have done so if I had other social opportunities, but since I've just moved to town, I don't. My conscience is clean in this particular concession. - Back to the top -

More about the "lo and behold" bit: It's just something my mom used to say. Here is the best definition I found: from the Cambridge Dictionary site. - Back to the top -


It's all about that bass: - Back to the top -

A new thought for a new year

I don't normally do New Year Resolutions. But I broke with tradition this year. I'm not very sure there is a good reason. I'm not going to spend a lot of time trying to figure it out. Instead, I'm going to focus on how to successfully keep them! Here's the Facebook post on the subject:

I love to write. It's a shame. It's laziness. It's inexcusable why I haven't written here (or indeed anywhere) in almost 2 years. I'm not going to focus on that, either.

Half Full

I'm at the almost end of a fabulous trip back to our old SoCal stomping grounds. Spent the first half of the week in San Diego at a conference for work. Spent the second half of the week hitting the following highlights:

• tennis in Anaheim with long-time tennis girlfriends: Linda, Erin, Gladys, Kathy, Robin
• an alumni gathering with the CGU Drucker School of Management crowd
• breakfast at the water dept next to Union Station with Pete from the train crowd
• a day at the office (plus lunch and froyo) with the gang at my old LA office (William, Ricky, Judy, Takashi, Cheryl, Sonya and all the rest!)
• pizza, beer and wine with Kelly and John in Altadena!
• A 5k walk/run with Linda, Erin and family which I finished in 52 minutes!
• movie: "42" - a fabulous film about an absolutely fantastic story - with a fabulous cast of which the most fabulous is Harrison Ford. I'm on an extended campaign for Harrison Ford to win Best Supporting Actor for 2013!

Wow! this has been a week jam-packed with blessings and abounding in fun, new experiences. The title of the blog post comes from the logo on my T-Shirt today: a glass half-full :)

Waxing Melancholy

Tonight's blog post is lifted intact from my Facebook timeline.

True Story

So, why do I call my husband "the ninja?" It's a cute story, of course. I was sitting on a barstool in Heroes in Claremont, CA. I was waiting for him. When we lived in SoCal, we often met there because (a) it's a good bar, (b) it's about 2 blocks from the train station in Claremont, (c) it was close to my classes and (d) it was only 10 minutes from the house.

So, I was sitting there on a barstool, surfing on my Blackberry (this was circa 2010). I ran across this article from the Wall Street Journal. It was all about how "ninja" was the hot job title on resumes lately because it connoted confidence, "tool mastery", special skills and being good at handling "anything new I throw at you". I "shared" the article on Facebook and commented that it sounded exactly like my husband, both as a Manager and as a Husband. The article ends by quoting a Mr. Kawakami who is purported to be the "last living ninja" who says "A real ninja must have stealth, intelligence, a righteous heart and patience." And I was posting on Facebook about how this article was TOTALLY my husband.

Well, about the time I was posting all this, I finally looked up from my Blackberry to take another sip of my drink and there he sat on the next barstool grinning at me. I looked down at the drink already in his hand and he was already two fingers down on his Crown and Coke! I burst out laughing and everyone up and down the bar must have thought I was a maniac. But I couldn't stop! My ninja had arrived.

He's been the ninja ever since.

More sadness

Some friendships have profound effects. I have been privileged to enjoy many such friendships in my life. I'm terrible at nurturing friendships. Don't get me wrong. I'm loyal - occasionally loyal to a fault. But I keep my life moving on a personal timeline and sometimes I forget that others don't share the timeline. Consequently, my friends tend to either whiz past me or I move on and then wonder why they haven't caught up. Thing is, every time we are in the same physical location, we tend to go back to the same intimacy we shared before.

In fact, that's how I can usually tell if a friendship was "real" or not. If they seem a stranger when I see them again, I can be pretty sure they were never my friend. I know that sounds harsh, but it is not meant so. There is no harm in being a treasured acquaintance. In fact, I cherish many, many such relationships as evidenced by my 500+ friends on Facebook - not one of whom I would want to give up.

But back to the friendships with profound effects on me. One such friendship is likely in its last stages as a very dear friend from my school days fights the end stages of a terrible disease. I just happened to be in my hometown (for a different function) when I heard of my friend's hospitalization. I sneaked in to the hospital room at midnight and shared the most wonderful hour with friend "X" and mother of said friend. It was a very sweet and special time. One that I shall remember for years to come.

As the days have come and gone since the visit, my friend has grown steadily worse. I'm so grateful I had the chance to visit before comas and unmanageable pain and the like got in the way. But I'm also sorry now that I didn't stay to hold that hand during the worst. Of course, it would have been presumptuous to have done so. There is a family and closer friends than I for that task.

I am of course saddened to lose a friend. And, I feel profound sympathy for the family as they face the unknown. Because of my friend's and my own spiritual beliefs, I am not frightened nor do I believe this is the last I shall see of the friend. But I do have regrets. I regret that I didn't slow down when I should have - to maintain that friendship - and share joy during the times that friend sped past me. I'm not sure I can change at this stage in my life to be a better friend. I'm not sure I should even try...but it is definitely something for me to consider about myself in the months ahead.

Vermont Cheese!

We took off on a day trip today on the off chance it wouldn't rain all day. It didn't! We actually had sunshine for most of the afternoon. We made it to all these places:

I spent HOURS going through Sam's Outdoor Outfitters!

And, we tasted cheese at Grafton Village Cheese Co

They had wine at the cheese place, but I didn't taste nor buy any. I'm only here for 3 more days and that's just not enough time to enjoy more wine. The cheese was marvelous.

After we got home, I went for a walk/run.

A little secret? I'm not looking forward to the next 2 days. The ninja goes back to work tomorrow. But I'm really grateful we had the day today. It's more than I expected.

Hazy Shade of Winter

Sitting in a cozy A-frame beside a bubbling brook in Vermont! Meanwhile, Hurricane Sandy aka "Frankenstorm" is bearing down on the mid-Atlantic coastline. And, all I can feel is excitement! Oh, for sure, I'm worried about the safety of human beings and the financial devastation that storms can cause. I am not callous. However, I sit here secure - with the ninja of course; I would not be so sanguine on my own! - knowing that I'm ready for whatever "Sandy" has up her sleeve!

For example, here's a map of the likely power outages:

I am spending my vacation here in Vermont while the ninja is working. As long as I can read and stay warm, I'll be a happy camper. Heh, that word "camper" may take on new meaning, no?

We went on a search for gas tonight for our generator. Didn't find any, but it's a Sunday evening. Should still be plenty of time tomorrow before Sandy makes landfall. So, after our futile search for gasoline, we ended up at a local bar called simply "The Saloon".

We enjoyed a couple of drinks and cheese-steak sandwiches. We watched the exciting last 5 minutes of the Giants-Cowboys game. While we were sitting there, I realized how different (better - but different) bars in ski towns are from "back in the day" when we were ski bums in Winter Park. The crowd was much more diverse. There was no smoke. I enjoyed watching the young crowd cheering on the Giants (even though I had to bite my tongue to keep from cheering when the Cowboys ALMOST pulled it out!

I'm enjoying this immersion in ski town life again. But likely one week will be plenty for me.

Oh, the headline? Eh, it was just a whim. I posted this status update on my Facebook page yesterday:
"It's a hazy shade of winter up here in Virginia with the still-bright leaves laying on the ground below bare branches and the overcast sky. Puts a person in a mood you know?"

Here is a photo I found that is representative of the scenery I was describing:

Sadness

I am unusually optimistic. I have to pause sometimes to MAKE myself deal with sadness. If I don't stop and FORCE myself to have a good cry, I tend to just move on past hurts and never stop and deal with them. Recently, I've been catching up with 3 old friends and in the course of this, I was caught by surprise at the old hurts I had forgotten about. 

I just got back from a trip to my hometown and I allowed myself to wallow in it a bit on the plane ride to and fro. I just went ahead and cried it out. I have to say that a good cry does the heart good. 

I now return to my regularly scheduled optimism - until the next time I need a good cry :)