More sadness

Some friendships have profound effects. I have been privileged to enjoy many such friendships in my life. I'm terrible at nurturing friendships. Don't get me wrong. I'm loyal - occasionally loyal to a fault. But I keep my life moving on a personal timeline and sometimes I forget that others don't share the timeline. Consequently, my friends tend to either whiz past me or I move on and then wonder why they haven't caught up. Thing is, every time we are in the same physical location, we tend to go back to the same intimacy we shared before.

In fact, that's how I can usually tell if a friendship was "real" or not. If they seem a stranger when I see them again, I can be pretty sure they were never my friend. I know that sounds harsh, but it is not meant so. There is no harm in being a treasured acquaintance. In fact, I cherish many, many such relationships as evidenced by my 500+ friends on Facebook - not one of whom I would want to give up.

But back to the friendships with profound effects on me. One such friendship is likely in its last stages as a very dear friend from my school days fights the end stages of a terrible disease. I just happened to be in my hometown (for a different function) when I heard of my friend's hospitalization. I sneaked in to the hospital room at midnight and shared the most wonderful hour with friend "X" and mother of said friend. It was a very sweet and special time. One that I shall remember for years to come.

As the days have come and gone since the visit, my friend has grown steadily worse. I'm so grateful I had the chance to visit before comas and unmanageable pain and the like got in the way. But I'm also sorry now that I didn't stay to hold that hand during the worst. Of course, it would have been presumptuous to have done so. There is a family and closer friends than I for that task.

I am of course saddened to lose a friend. And, I feel profound sympathy for the family as they face the unknown. Because of my friend's and my own spiritual beliefs, I am not frightened nor do I believe this is the last I shall see of the friend. But I do have regrets. I regret that I didn't slow down when I should have - to maintain that friendship - and share joy during the times that friend sped past me. I'm not sure I can change at this stage in my life to be a better friend. I'm not sure I should even try...but it is definitely something for me to consider about myself in the months ahead.

Vermont Cheese!

We took off on a day trip today on the off chance it wouldn't rain all day. It didn't! We actually had sunshine for most of the afternoon. We made it to all these places:

I spent HOURS going through Sam's Outdoor Outfitters!

And, we tasted cheese at Grafton Village Cheese Co

They had wine at the cheese place, but I didn't taste nor buy any. I'm only here for 3 more days and that's just not enough time to enjoy more wine. The cheese was marvelous.

After we got home, I went for a walk/run.

A little secret? I'm not looking forward to the next 2 days. The ninja goes back to work tomorrow. But I'm really grateful we had the day today. It's more than I expected.

Hazy Shade of Winter

Sitting in a cozy A-frame beside a bubbling brook in Vermont! Meanwhile, Hurricane Sandy aka "Frankenstorm" is bearing down on the mid-Atlantic coastline. And, all I can feel is excitement! Oh, for sure, I'm worried about the safety of human beings and the financial devastation that storms can cause. I am not callous. However, I sit here secure - with the ninja of course; I would not be so sanguine on my own! - knowing that I'm ready for whatever "Sandy" has up her sleeve!

For example, here's a map of the likely power outages:

I am spending my vacation here in Vermont while the ninja is working. As long as I can read and stay warm, I'll be a happy camper. Heh, that word "camper" may take on new meaning, no?

We went on a search for gas tonight for our generator. Didn't find any, but it's a Sunday evening. Should still be plenty of time tomorrow before Sandy makes landfall. So, after our futile search for gasoline, we ended up at a local bar called simply "The Saloon".

We enjoyed a couple of drinks and cheese-steak sandwiches. We watched the exciting last 5 minutes of the Giants-Cowboys game. While we were sitting there, I realized how different (better - but different) bars in ski towns are from "back in the day" when we were ski bums in Winter Park. The crowd was much more diverse. There was no smoke. I enjoyed watching the young crowd cheering on the Giants (even though I had to bite my tongue to keep from cheering when the Cowboys ALMOST pulled it out!

I'm enjoying this immersion in ski town life again. But likely one week will be plenty for me.

Oh, the headline? Eh, it was just a whim. I posted this status update on my Facebook page yesterday:
"It's a hazy shade of winter up here in Virginia with the still-bright leaves laying on the ground below bare branches and the overcast sky. Puts a person in a mood you know?"

Here is a photo I found that is representative of the scenery I was describing:

Sadness

I am unusually optimistic. I have to pause sometimes to MAKE myself deal with sadness. If I don't stop and FORCE myself to have a good cry, I tend to just move on past hurts and never stop and deal with them. Recently, I've been catching up with 3 old friends and in the course of this, I was caught by surprise at the old hurts I had forgotten about. 

I just got back from a trip to my hometown and I allowed myself to wallow in it a bit on the plane ride to and fro. I just went ahead and cried it out. I have to say that a good cry does the heart good. 

I now return to my regularly scheduled optimism - until the next time I need a good cry :)

Countdown to a lovely date

6 days until the ninja and I hit 19 years. What a fantastic ride it's been. Tonight I'm sitting alone. He's out of town. I opened a bottle even though I was drinking alone. This seemed a good fit.

I'm not sure why this seemed like a such a good fit. But he does still rock my world! My playlist tonight:

Chris LeDoux - Tougher than the Rest

BoDeans - Still the Night

Stevie Nicks/ Don Henley - Leather & Lace

This is just a partial list...some others are just too personal to share...even here where nobody ever comes :)